


Dorkjoke and the Olive Garden Fiasco

by YoinkaYonka



Series: The Great and Stressful Planning of the Dirkjake Wedding ft. Friends n' Family. [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Choking, Jake can now cum gold!, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Semi-Public Sex, Trans Dirk Strider, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Sex, jake is non-binary (this will come in handy later), nonlethal gold cum, please dont read this the character voices are waayyyy off ill be posting a better sequel soon, they fuck in a car
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-08
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23540566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoinkaYonka/pseuds/YoinkaYonka
Summary: Jake English takes his boyfriend, Dirk, on a romantic date to the local Olive Garden.Hijinks Ensue.
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Series: The Great and Stressful Planning of the Dirkjake Wedding ft. Friends n' Family. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694080
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Dorkjoke and the Olive Garden Fiasco

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi, this is apart of a larger story!! There will be more parts I hope.

Jake has never been one for big, bold parties or entertainment of the masses, though his TV career begs to differ. You have never been one for parties either, or entertainment in general lest it suits your style (which is, as Roxy tells you, pretty fucking bland). If someone would have told you that, yes, Jake English him FUCKING self is currently on one knee in front of you in the middle of Olive Garden, you would’ve told them to fuck off, shortly after beating them to death. Jake would never truly love you, let alone marry you. Which makes this current fiasco even more daunting.

Jake fumbles to get his grounding, his skinned knees digging unceremoniously into the wood floors. He’s sweating, though his tank-top lets on no sign of it. Man, he must be real nervous about proposing to you.

You hope he doesn’t back out.

Jake finally gets ahold of himself, clearing his throat and looking you directly in your eyes. He sighs after a long breath of just... looking at you. 

He stands up.

Your heart stops, your breath goes short and comes out ragged and broken. Did Jake just give up on proposing to you? Does this mean he doesn’t love you?

His soft, emerald eyes land on yours once again, and this time you swear tears are brimming at the corner of your eyes. He reaches his hands up, lightly takes hold of your shades, and slips them off your face. He smiles, warm and welcoming and so unbelievably Jake. Like a shining sun, a crescent moon designed to make your knees go weak and your blood pump like melted gold. He sighs again and gets back down on one knee, resuming his proposal. You breathe a sigh of relief so loud he chuckles up at you and tries again.

He pulls out a little green box, velvet and so delicate you’re afraid if you touch it you’ll snap it in half. He flips open the lid with a flick of his wrist, and you break. Tears stream from your face, blurring your view of the little gold ring with 2 emeralds lovingly placed on top. Jake tuts at you, gently stroking your thigh where his hand will reach, like some type of comfort. He clears his throat for the umpteenth time tonight and takes a shaky breath.

“Oh, my darling little pet, will you make me the happiest man alive and allow me the honor of calling you my husband, forevermore?” He asks you, and you swear you might just fall to the floor in sobs because he called you pet and he’s so tender with you and he knows you won’t break with a little force behind his words and you just love him so much.

You drop to your knees, gripping his wrists in your hands, knuckles white and eyes misty.

“Yes, yes! Goddammit, Jake, yes!” You sputter back in a fit of breaths and shaky hands.

Jake looks so overjoyed at your answer and now you're crying more because it’s just so much and he’s so good to you and you don’t deserve him and all these little ‘what if’s?’ keep crowding your head. He slips the ring on your finger and his hands are shaking as he does it and you can feel his heartbeat and it’s so strong and true and you swear he’ll be the death of you.

“My dear chamomile, my darling prince, I could ravish you”.

And you’re gone. Suddenly you don’t care about onlookers or the videos or the pictures or anything besides Jakes’ lips on yours. He pulls you in, and your thighs lock around his hips and you’ve got him pinned and held down on the grimy Olive Garden floor and you can’t believe you’re finally his. His lips lock to yours and his eyes are lidded as you clink your teeth against his and you both wince because ouch, that still hurts but at this point neither of you knows what decency is so you keep going. 

You’re certain there are people taking photos of you two. You guess you’ll deal with it at a later date because the way Jake cants his hips up into yours has you sopping wet in record time. You distantly think that it’d really suck for your reputation to have sex on the floor of an Olive Garden, so, with much effort, you pry yourself away from Jakes’ plush lips and go to stand up. Your eyes are lidded and your lips are swollen and you bet your hair has seen much better days, but you don’t care right now. The only thing you could possibly care about is Jake and his eyes and his hips and the way his thighs are spread just the way you like it and how you can see his boner and you’re certain the crowd that has formed can see it too. He rises to his feet after you, slotting his hands around your waist and honestly, the possessive kiss he plants to your neck is just the icing on the cake.

With much struggle and avoidance of nosy fans, the two of you stumble out to your car, Jake opening the passenger door for you. You pull out of the parking lot, and Jake drives far enough out into the consort countryside you’re 99% certain no one will see you.

He stops the car, turning the radio down so he can hear you speak, or more so scream.

“So, shall we continue?”

“Only if you’ll have me.”

He smiles at that, his eyes lowering to your neck and chest, and you go stock still.

“I do believe I’ll devour you.”

He’s on you in an instant. You haphazardly roll your way into the back seat, in some ill attempt to rear on the predator chasing you. Jake gains easily, pins you to the car seat with a hunger in his eyes and god you want him inside you right this instant.

Jakes’ lips find your collarbone and that breath you were sucking in stutters into a soft groan because damn do his teeth work magic. You’re frantically trying to take off his tank when he bites at your shoulder hard and your hips jerk up, and his breath catches in his throat and fuck does he sound beautiful. 

“Dirk, Dirk, Dirk, you’re being so good for me, darling. So, so good.” Jake praises you between kisses to your neck and he’s ruining you so soon. His hand slips into the hem of your pants, thumbing at your clit through your boxers. “F-fuck!” You shout, rutting against his hand feverously. Jake lets out a happy hum, licking your jaw with long strokes. Fuck, does he know how to use his tongue. 

“J-Jake, god fuck Jake please, please.” You’re begging, oh are you sobbing for him to get on with it. 

“Please what, love? You’ll have to be more specific.” He punctuates his response with a good tug at your hair. God, he’s such a tease. 

“Get inside me, you absolute shithead.” You retort, gripping harder at his shoulders. He winces, and oh you hope that leaves a mark. 

He smirks all rugged and wolfish and possessive. “Oh, of course, my sweet. Mind helping me out of my clothes?” Jake sits up, lifting his arms like he expects you to do it for him. Like hell, you’ll do anything of the sort.

Jake tuts at you, lowering his arms down, instead taking it upon himself to wrap a warm hand around your neck. His nails dig into the sensitive tissue of your scar, and your mouth gapes.

“Now, what did I say, little pet?” His hand grips tighter, giving you a perfect amount of pressure. Your breath quickens on instinct, your hands’ grip onto his wrist.

“O-okay, okay. Just, don’t stop doing that.” You slide your hands tentatively towards his tank, scared you might provoke some primal urge within him. Jake relaxes a bit, his constrictive grip on your throat loosening to something a little easier to manage. You pull his arm through one hole, before tapping your finger on his shoulder as an indication to switch hands. He complies, switching from left to right-handed choking.

Once his tank is successfully thrown to the depths of your car, you shuffle out from under him to slip off your shirt. Jake shimmies off his shorts, kicking awkwardly at the floor because his dumb fucking fashion choices are currently constricting his ankle. You sigh and reach down to pull them off for him. He bites his lip when you look up at him, his face flushed a lovely crimson, and your heart stutters a little. Jake pulls you back up to a sitting position, unbuttoning your pants. You lift yourself up on your arms high enough that the asshole just slips off your boxers along with your jeans.

“Alright, now what do you want me to do?” You tease him because man can he be needy sometimes. Jake shoots you a look and your mouth snaps shut.

“Now you lay back, relax, and enjoy what I give you”  
Jake smiles innocently at you, and you have to physically stop yourself from throat punching him for that bad joke.

You lay down, situating yourself to a moderately comfortable position. Jake digs around in his discarded shorts, pulling out a condom from one of the pockets. You snort, covering your face in some type of embarrassment even though both of you have always used a condom.

Jake rips the top off, fumbling to catch the little thing before it rolls into the void of your back seat floorboard. He catches it between two fingers and leans back up, triumphantly holding it up to you. You smile, just a little bit, and he looks so happy that you did and there are tears at your eyes again. You refuse to cry during your newly-engaged sexcapade. 

“Oh, Dirk, don’t cry. It’s just a condom” Jake explains in a soft voice.

“It’s not about the condom, Jake. It’s about you” You sputter back at him and his eyes go all puppy dog and sad and fuck.

Jake pulls you close to his chest and you cry, hard and loud and so so happy. You cry over all the times you two have shared small glances at each other at Janes’ many dinner nights. You cry over when you didn’t talk to him, when he didn’t talk to you. You cry over all of the scared touches and averted eyes because you were both so young and so stupid. He saw you as so fragile and you saw him as so manly and now he knows you won’t break. You know he can cry.

And he is. He's crying into your hair and you’re crying into his chest and you’re both so happy and relieved because you’ve been waiting for this day since you were thirteen. 

Jake pulls you up to face him and his eyes are misty and his cheeks are flushed and it’s a crime how beautiful he is even when he’s so messy. 

“Do you want to keep going?” He asks you in a quiet tone and he looks so stunning with the moonlight filtering through the window and landing on his skin. He’s practically glowing with hope and you can feel it sinking into your skin and all of your worries are melting away and he’s just so good.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.” You whisper back and he lays you down so gently and tender and you swear you’re shattering to pieces. 

He slips on the condom and you have to avert your eyes because he’s handsome and sweet and caring and Jake. 

He slots his hips to yours and the air leaves your lungs. He hasn’t even started yet but god it just feels so good. 

“You alright there, love?” Jake asks you and oh. 

“Do that again.”

“Do this?” He punctuates his question with a small thrust of his hips and fuck does that feel nice.

“Y-yes. Holy fuck yes” You cant your hips up to try and gain some friction and he holds your hips down and slides into you so softly.

Fuck. He fills your senses. There’s pure hope burning in your lungs, in your eyes, between your legs. It’s everywhere, wrapping around you like a boiling hot wire, coiled tight around your chest and neck and your thighs. 

“Dirk, darling pet, breathe. Breathe, I’ve got you” Jake holds you closer, bringing his arms around your shoulders to stabilize the both of you. You grip hard at his biceps and you’re locked and bound to each other so deeply it hurts. His hips jerk forward and another shot of hope courses through your body.

Your spine arches and the initial shock mellows down to a warm hum coursing through your body. Your eyes clear and there’s Jake, staring at you with such love in his eyes it hurts to look.

“Dirk”

Your breath hitches.

“Mhm”

“I love you”

Your grip becomes a vice around his biceps and the tears you were holding back burst from your eyes. You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer.

“I-I love you, too”

Jake smiles so wide and happy and safe. His hips cant into you and your breath comes short. 

The hope burning in your veins swims like a virus, overtaking your mind and burning at your lungs. It feels so nice. You adore him so much.

His cock hits right where you need it, and you feel your orgasm creeping up your spine. Your tears feel like molten gold and your lips are locked tight to his, he’s practically tongue-fucking you. 

He thrusts one more time and literal gold drips out of you. “What the fuck?” is all you can ask before your own orgasm wracks through your body.

“Holy fuck,” Jake stutters out between thrusts, starting to wind down as the initial high wears off.

“Okay, mind explaining the gold currently dripping out of me?”

“Half of that is my fault, with the reality-altering bullshit, but that other half was you! What with your narrating stating: “The hope burning in your veins swims like a virus, overtaking your mind and burning at your lungs.” You’re not exactly mellow about your fantasies, love.”

“You heard that?”

“Of course I did! We’re on the same Narrative Plain, dear. It’s just that I don’t narrate, I create.”

“That was a terrible pun but I like the sincerity of fucking me full of molten gold, so I’ll let it slide.”

“Thank you.”

“Wait, but didn’t you wear a condom?”

“We’re gods, we can’t get STIs.”

“But still, how’d you get it off? You didn’t pull out once.”

Jake gets really close to your face, his eyes wide and childish.

“Magic, my dear!”

“Oh my fucking gods, you Magick Merlined your way out of wearing protection. I can’t believe you.”

“Oh, but you have too!”

“If you hope me into believing that you’re so ready to give me my fantasies on a silver platter at the expense of our safety, I will choke you to death.”

“Of course not.” He winks.

“So, what now?”

“I wish to go home and cuddle in bed.”

“Okay, but only after I take a shower and get the gold out of me.”

Jake huffs, clearly too impatient to wait for you to clean yourself out.

“What if I just… hope it away?”

“You’d hope away the gold that you fucked into me just so we can cuddle quicker?”

“Absolutely.”

“No.”

“Why not! It’s so simple that way!”

“Because I’m not quite done. I’d like to have you in the shower with me.”

Jake blushes down his chest and up to his ears, his eyes wide. “O-oh.”

You pull him closer to you, using the leverage to rut against his thigh. “Yeah.”

Jake kisses you, long and deep. “Okay, but afterward we cuddle. Deal?”

“Deal.”


End file.
